It's 2am and I am not sleepy at all, I have checked facebook, read all my emails, texted whoever I know is still awake and I've ran out of things to google, this is why I'm back on Xanga. I miss this place. It makes me remember the days where I could stick to my goal and I was skinny, happy even! Coming back and looking through my friends list I am reminded of all the pain, suffering and sadness that goes around amoungst the thinspiration community and tonight I am thinking of thoese girls (and boys). It puts my own problems into perspective. None the less I do want to be thin and I currently have the motivation of a counch potato and the focus of a 2 year old so here I am again (refer to 2 :posts ago, similar to this one, I failed there). I want to be thinnnnnnnnnnnn so so so so bad! You know when you have thoese moments or experiences that occour that all of a sudden want you to stop eating and go on a diet and be who you really want to be. I've had a few of them lately. For instance, today my flatmate came into my room and stepped on my scaled then huffed and puffed as she saw she weight 8st 5lb! SERIOUSLY! This is my goal weight and where I was last summer, not only am I a stone heavier than her but she is basically what I want to be yaya suckstobemeright! So plan of action is 1.go to gym tomorrow 2. starve myself! Fingers Crossed x

Hey.

The truth of the matter is ... I am not happy

I am not happy with the way I look in the mirror

I am not happy with how my clothes fit me (or in most cases, dont fit)

I am not happy that i did not notice the change in my body ealier

I am not happy with the prospect of changing all of this ...

But I am going to once and for all

It is strange to admit that blogging on here helps me, it helps me keep on track and focus on one goal. In a way I want thoese who may read this to see my progress and be proud of me even though I have no idea who you are and you do not know me. I really enjoy selecting photos of people who are not just bones but who are young, stylish, sexy, confident and sure of themselves because that is everything I aspire to be, enjoy :)

SKINNY THIGHS!!
I would love to have legs like any of these girls.

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Faves!? 

xxx

Quick update before i go to work. Which really sucks because i'm rather happy in bed watching One Tree Hill, that girl who spreading all the rumors is a slut go Hayley!!

Also i got all of these pictures of the same xanga site, i just can't remember which one .. if it's your let me know and ill be sure to credit you xx

Thinspo

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Favorites?

mine are ...

3) Beautiful Photograph and she is so tiny
11) I want to have a waist/thighs that small!
14) i want the girl on the rights hair & both of their legs

xxxx

Hey Guys, Sorry i've be a bit distant lately but the next few post will sure make up for that.

I really don't know what's wrong with me at the moment i'm stuck in this depressing mood that i can't really explain but its really getting me down. Just now i got back from college as just sat there crying, not for any particular reason, i just sat there crying into a pillow, pathetic i know!? My mums being as total phsycotic bitch to me at the moment and is completely oblivious to the fact its probably her who is making me feel this upset. Why is she being a total phsycotic bitch you ask? Probably because i'm acting like such a brat. My sister has just come back from a long trip to america and when she was gone it was just my mum, my dad and me. The house was peaceful and i had built up this amazing relationship with my mum. Whenever we had an argument we would talk things through, shed still get pissed at me for stuff i did, but within the hour we were always friends again. Now however when shes pissed at me she goes and talks to my sister and she just yells at me, she never actually lets me get a word in edgeways and comes out with some really horrible stuff. Its asif as long as she getting along with one of us shes happy, the problem is it never seems to be me! Obviously this complete shift in dynamics has upset me and i'm angry at them both for just pushing me to the side. My relationship with my mum although i love her to bits is in complete shatters at the moment. I'm jealous of what her and my sister have. Thats where my problem began because i'm jealous of there relationship i just become angry. I find myself unable to let her have the last word and i cant stop myself fr bursting out nasty one liners. How do i tell her the only reason i'm acting out is because i wished she spent more time talking to me instead of my sister without sounding like a silly little kid. I want to be more honest with my mum i want to be able to tell her anything but i'm scared how she will react, before whenever we got into a conversation that went any deeper than what i was having for tea i just felt awkward and shyed away. But now i really really miss her. I miss her watching me as i walk down the path to college and shouting i love you down the road just to embarrass me every morning, i miss her kisses and cuddles. i miss everything. I don't know how to tell her any of this instead i just sit here crying hoping that she will come into my room some time soon, see me like this and then when she asks me whats up i wish that i had the strenght to tell her all of this. Its not her fault shes acting like this because i haven't told her the reasoning for my behaviour. its my fault, it always is.

I though it was a bit weird to post this on her as it isn't the happiest subject in the world and it something personal, but just writing everything down has made me feel better already :)

the next few post will be some thispiration
i'm doing really well at the moment considering i started at 8 stone13 pounds and i'm now 8 stone 5 pounds :)

xoxo

i always wake up and forget that im trying to fast haha blahh, anywayyys ...
Really happy with my intake todayy
i know the day isnt over yet, but feeling like this makes me not want to eat anyway :)

B - cereal (100cal)
L - half a melon
D - nothing
S- eclaire (35cal)

out take - 15 minute run probbably burnt 100 cal +

ill post some thinspo laterr :)

xoxo

I have a whole bunch of those header things so I thought
I'd put a few of the colorful ones up with some new pictures ...

enjoy :)

NOTE!: some of the quotes don't go with the pictures
so if some seem confusing there not a match

hope you liked it

xoxo

hola
So today i think ive done pretty well apart from a handfull of amazing chocolate rasins
but they were so worth it :)

B - 3 x rivita crackers (16 cal each = 48 cal)
with cheese = 100cal B total
fruit juice 48 cal
L- fruit juice (48cal)
chocolate rasins = 200 cal
D- something with family est. 250-300 cal!

total =623 - (calories burnt from jog)

8 glasses of water jog round block later

now to update that rather lame last post i did!

love love love this girls hair ... it's just how i want
mine and she gets kudos for the red bull
 

i don't think this girls body is amazing,
i just think what shes doing is amazing!

i just love little shorts like this that you can see the pockets on,
its my mission to find some before my holiday

love everything she is wearing
especially the wayfers

her legs are so skinny and amazing
and i don't care what is in the bag i just want itt

love the hoddie and she looks like she having a really fun timee



ahhhh omg those shoes are ammmmmazzzziiinnnnggg!
love her tan/ style aswell!

love the outfit, so quirky and fun :)

realy like the bikini the girl on the left is wearing

so envious of this girls legs i wish mine were long and slim but i'm not tall enough, sucks

love the outfit and setting & also how delicate this girl looks

that whole outfit is amazing and so vintage
love the shorts/ring/lace top!

i want ot look this confident in my bikini on the beach this year

so quaint and pretty, love this one
 
this girl is so stunning and skinny

 



i wish i looked this good in this outfit
even though you can't see her face you can just tell shes stunning

dear god, why wasn't i born with legs like this!

not about that many bones poping out but im sure iits just the positioning

the girl in the red is wayyyy pretty and skinnayy, i love her shoesss!



love that shade of blondee!

MEGAN FOX YOU FUCKING GODESSSSS!

hope you loved it?

xoxo

Heyyyy Everyoneeeeeee :)
So, I'm evetually starting to learn that to be sucessfull at dieting
you need to be realistic with all of you goals from the word go!
That is why I have decided to change my Goal weight for summer
(6 weeks away) from 7/7 to 8, hopefully this is something i will be
able to do.

Also i've been working pretty hard over that last few weeks to
tone up, especially my legs, and im starting to see some improvement :)

Finnally ... never get into the habit of thinking, i let myself go today ill just
carry on eating and start fresh tmorrow, it just makes you feel like crap.

CW: 124

B- cherrios (100cal)
- Ribena (50cal)
L- Malt loaf (300cal)
D- Fruit salad (68 cal)
S- Smaries tube (87 cal)
- 1.5 L water
Total - (605-200) = 405 :)

Outake
1 hour cardio workout (200 cal)

Heres some new thinspo
Credit mainly goes to 'Fat cheerleaders suck'
amazing webpage :)
enjoyyyyy

i'll update later ... One Tree Hill is on haha :)

xoxo